My sweet little Audrey Grace,

Today at 2:39 pm you will officially be 4 years old – an age which you are embracing with unabashed glee and considerable determination. Just last night you were playing dress up in your Veterinarian costume, and you came to me, requesting for help taking it off. I helped you out of your blue lab coat and toy stethoscope as you explained that had you changed your mind and weren’t going to “help animals” anymore. My initial reaction was one of shock, and I gently asked why you didn’t want to help the animals anymore. Confusion filled your face as you turned to me and plainly explained that when little girls “got big” they could only be one thing, that you knew exactly what you want to be, and it isn’t a “Vet”.

You want to be a Princess.

I have no idea where you got that from. ;)

This year has marked the beginning of your change from loving all things neutral and non-girly – Tigger, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, blocks, trains, coloring, etc. – to lots of pink, to refusing to wear anything but a dress on some days, to dancing in front of a mirror in your Princess gown. You now request to meet the Princesses when we go to Disney World, though your face still lights up for Mickey, Minnie, and Tigger. You still love all of the things that you once did, it’s just that things are more balanced – you are clearly a little girl with a love for all things feminine – much like your mommy.

While you have embraced turning 4 with so much joy, I have approached it with slight trepidation. You are no longer an infant, or even a toddler – you are a preschooler – a child. You don’t toddle over playground equipment with uncertainty, you aren’t shy around new people – in fact you often talk their ears off. Tonight I told you playfully that I didn’t want you to grow up, and you crawled up in my lap and told me that just because you were turning 4 didn’t mean that you were suddenly going to grow “big and strong”. Then, with a wisdom far beyond your 4 years, you gently turned my face to yours and said “I’m still Audrey”.

You are still Audrey. You are still the little girl that the nurses placed in my arms minutes after your birth, weighing a respectable 7 lbs 8 oz. You held on for 42 weeks – arriving 2 weeks after my due date – not because you are a shy, clingy child, but because you are willful and determined to do things on your schedule. Rushing you to do any task, no matter how small, seems fruitless – you have your own personal timeline.

Your blonde curls have never had a pair of scissors near them, though I feel your first haircut is likely inevitable this year. I can’t bear to bring myself to cut off that first hair at the very ends, so symbolic to me of our earliest days together. No matter what I do your curly hair always looks out of control but neither of us seems to mind very much – so for now it remains untouched.

You started school this year, a decision that I knew was right even though I hate every moment that we are apart. The beginning was tough – lots of tears for you, lots of guilt for me. Now things go a lot more smoothly, and you usually dismiss me from your classroom with a “bye mommy!” as you run off to play. You have changed so much in these past few months – you are more social, well-adjusted, and you have definitely learned a lot. Just the other day I asked you what you wanted to drink, and you answered me with “agua” – which you promptly explained was “Splan-mish for wadder”. Moments like those make me want to giggle and wrap you in the worlds biggest hug – you make me so proud.

When you are excited or happy, you completely light up a room. Seeing your glow when we go to Disney World or to the Aquarium or Zoo is addicting – so much in fact that we went to Disney 4 times this year! I would move mountains if I could to make your face light up like that every single day – seeing you happy makes my heart sing. I have never felt a stronger desire to make someone happy than I feel every day, every moment, for you.

Audrey, you bring so much joy to my life, more than I can ever express to you. I love listening to you laugh at things that make you happy – a full-on belly laugh that is contagious to everyone around you. You are so loving towards both people and animals – you are always worried about crying babies, asking about animals and how they are feeling, even “taking care” of me when I am sick. Your analytical side is amazing, and I am in awe of your ability to sit down and complete a 48 piece puzzle on your own. Where most kids ask why, you want to know HOW. How does that work? How did you change the batteries, mommy? How does the medicine make me feel better? I do my best to keep up with your questions, but I know that one day you will outgrow my explanations and need more. Thankfully you love to read, so I know you will have no trouble diving into a book to find the answers that you crave.

I am so proud of you my sweet baby girl. You are only 4, but you have already handled life’s very real challenges with grace, finesse, and a wisdom that I cannot even comprehend. Hang on with me kiddo – I think we are in for a very wonderful ride, and I will be by your side for every possible moment.

I love you so much, my sweet little souchy.

Love always and always,

Mommy